T.V. SCOPES for August, September, October 1999All right. We had that astrologically somber eclipse/grand square/cross thing on August 11, 1999 which seemed to careen everyone into pensive and altogether annoyingly fatalistic states of mind. Personally, I felt as though I was finally able to fly and I¹ve been soaring ever since. But I won¹t burden you all with MY joy. Instead, here are your Zodiacal projections for the next few months, beginning with October. This time, I¹m wrapping my forecasting within the absurd glamours of television programming. And I don¹t care a whit if you don¹t watch television, if you don¹t know anything about the show that I divined for your particular sign or if you are like TOTALLY miffed that I have presumed you¹d ever even SEEN Moesha. Get over yourselves, already. Soooo, without further ado here are the Suffering is Hip T.V. Scopes.
THAT 70'S SHOW.Ý Itís all about the past, baby. But itís all about
the past as seen through the lens of the present.Ý Sure itís all a little too
clean, a little too bright and a little too cut and dry.Ý But it also can be
highly amusing.Ý Especially since in this show we are laughing at the very
things we once either took seriously or were dedicated to because of influences
around us.Ý Now ask yourself, with Pluto dancing direct do you REALLY want to be
depressed about your old failed relationships, your horrific or dreary
childhood, your unrealized or ambitions or the fact that you are temporarily in
a nebulous displaced limbo while some deep personal transitions are completed?Ý
Wouldnít you rather feel free to laugh at your own expense and also at the
expense of others who try and drag you into their tidepools of melodrama,
tension and old patterning?Ý Thereís an occult concept that says to name a thing
gives you power over it.Ý For you it should read To laugh at a thing gives you
victory over it.Ý This is especially important in relation toÝ that which you
find not at all funny.
JUST SHOOT ME.
Maya Maya Maya.Ý Sheís such an annoying character
so earnestly creative, well-intentioned and sincere but misunderstood, mocked
and taunted because of it.Ý The brilliant female mind trying to inject something
worthwhile into a tawdry fashion magazine.Ý Just shoot her, is what I say.Ý Itís
so obvious that even the character is playing a role.ÝÝ Interesting however that
the characterís name is Maya.Ý Everyone knows Maya also means illusion.Ý What
illusions do you wrap yourself in these days, Taurus?Ý Itís fine to pretend, to
put on the Emperorís new clothes and dance around like you are the king of the
hill or the belle of the ball, but everyone can see the real you and they would
appreciate it if you would see the real you too.Ý Not all your illusions are
inappropriate, however.Ý There are those illusions you need to wrap yourself in
that will make you into exactly what you want to be and bring into your life
exactly what you want.Ý They could be the same ones that everyone is seeing
through.Ý So thereís a paradox.Ý Something must be missing in the mix.Ý Probably
something to do with the will.Ý But thatís your dance with Pluto.Ý One clue
though Avoid displaying such a flair for the obvious.
THE MANY (SECRET) LIVES OF TRUDY CHASE.
This is an awful
made-for-t.v. movie about a woman with something near 94 different personalities
inside her that was on the Lifetime for Women Network.Ý It starred the alarming
Shelley Long.ÝÝ I sense that you must be feeling alarmed yourself that Iím
wrapping your forecast in this.Ý All your own little voices must be clamoring
inside you. There may be one or two that actually ADORE Shelley Long but you are
most certainly repressing those.Ý Hasnít your life resembled a made-for-t.v.
movie at times? Donít you have a lot of different personalities inside you
clamoring for attention and recognition?Ý I hope youíve discarded the
ineffectual personalities, the weak-willed insecure personalities, the self-pity
personalities, the procrastinating, lazy personalities -- all spawned because of
icky past experiences.Ý Let go of the past and you finally lay to rest whatís
dead in you.Ý This makes room for all those bright and shiny things you donít
even know you posses yet.Ý However, you can and should keep around a few of the
cynical, morbid, frivolous, demanding, and even cruel personalitiesÝ ‚ you need
them to continue weeding out your various environments, especially in the social
and professional arenas.Ý Pluto is bringing you into a natural polarity with
yourself which is manifesting as creative success -- creative success in
whatever area is dearest to your heart.Ý Follow yourself and you follow your
heart which instead of making you self-absorbed makes you self-illuminated.
THE BRADY BUNCH.
A specific episode that I once used as a silly
divinator I find now applies to Cancers everywhere, but not in the same way.
The episode is where the Bradyís humdrum lives are going to be changing soon.
This is because the Brady Kids are going to be singing on a t.v. show.Ý Because
they have that special something only t.v. kids can have, they are a sure bet to
win and become rich, famous and loved by all.Ý Well wouldnít you know it?
Peterís voice starts to change and everyone thinks this change is going to RUIN
everything.Ý Then they change the song they sing and do a song called ìWhen itís
time to changeî because, well, Peterís voice is changing and the song is talking
about change and itís as if suddenly everything falls into place.Ý I donít know
how much more I can use the word ìchangeî in this ëscope before you suspect
thereís a method to my madness.Ý There are things going on in your life that you
didnít plan on, and quite possibly didnít want to happen.Ý There are some tough
decisions to be made, new places to go, people to choose between.ÝÝ All of you
want some big sign from Fate as to what your choices should be.Ý There will be
no sign.Ý Your life is going to alter completely in many areas with or without
you singing the song so you might as well try and adapt your song to fit your
life. Or else accept what you cannot influence and move on to something,
someone, or somewhere else.Ý Fateís wheel will eventually spin back round and
return the reins to you.
MOESHA
(Just kidding!Ý Leos are the only sign I know capable of
personifying the word ìmiffedî and I just had to tug your tails.) Your show is
actually COLUMBO.Ý In Columbo, the audience gets to see who the culprit is right
away and the fun is watching Columbo strategically bumble his way to discovering
same.Ý Random people will appear in your life from past or present to influence
or affect you.Ý Strange happenings will occur.Ý Disconcerting experiences will
cause you to spend a lot of time trying with dignity to fit everything into a
whole picture that makes sense.Ý All Leos need to use their bumbling as a
strategy to figure things out as well as to ultimately get what they want out of
life.Ý You need to do this in spite of all the people watching you stumble and
flounder.Ý ìIs Pluto deliberately trying to embarrass us,î you will haughtily
ask of one another.Ý Pluto is probably nudging you roughly toward experimenting
with the magic of inversion.Ý Inversion is whenever a situation naturally
reaches or is pushed to its apex, it inverts to its opposite.ÝÝ See what kind of
changes in yourself and your environment you can accomplish by playing with
opposites instead of always just playing with fire.
LA FEMME NIKITA..
Strong-willed, stalwart rebellion is fine, youíve
mastered that one.Ý Intellectual acumen and a meticulous perspective have been
convenient tools for you as you live your life.Ý Plutoís influence, however, is
telling you that your emotions will now be manipulated by people and happenings
around you. Whether others are consciously manipulating you or instinctively
doing so is not the point -- you are being prodded, pulled, maneuvered and
puppeted through a variety of environments so that you finally accept that your
senses need more of aÝ recklessness exploration instead of a rational one.Ý And
the only way you will truly enjoy your play in the sensual world (all senses,
not just the sexual ones) is through the realization that youÝ cannot really
LIVE using sense and sensibility alone.ÝÝ Any elements of surprise, shock or
amazement that infuse your path will titillate you as well as alarm you.Ý So, as
with Cancer, you are not holding the reins for while.Ý In addition, you will
feel uncannily drawn to situations and people your instinct tells you are chancy
-- situations you usually wouldnít involve yourself in because they are beyond
your influence or control.Ý Go there anyway.Ý Itís time to leave your cozy,
predictable world for another that seems mysterious, somewhat ominous and
definitely fickle.Ý
FOREVER KNIGHT.
Ý Could they possibly have found more annoying and
unappealing people to play the vampire roles (actually, ALL the roles) in this
t.v. show?Ý The story lines are interesting, the plot ideas kind of inspiring ‚
but the actors who play the characters really work my nerves.Ý Itís all wrong --
the glamour is tacky and misapplied,Ý the acting is stilted or melodramatic,
this whole show is just so OFF because of the people in it.Ý Except for one --
the vampire La Croix. The actor playing this role is appealing and well-suited
to the character.Ý He can actually act without seeming melodramatic and
unattractively, well, unattractive.Ý For you Libra, like this show, everything
is going to feel disagreeably off-balance for a while.Ý I know the term
ìoff-balanceî frightens you, but to get through this phase you need to align
your role with the LaCroix example.Ý You must, withÝ grace, poise and wit,
balance all the ìshowsî youíre participating in.Ý Make the most of your charm,
your attractiveness, your talents and flaunt them shamelessly, especially in
environments where everyone else seems underdressed, unappealing,Ý snobby,
socially inept or just plain cranky.Ý You are your own shining star and
remember, glamour is never a waste of effort.Ý The only thing you have to fear
as that you might actually enjoy doing it.
FRIENDS.
In spite of my resistance for years and the protests of a
dear Leo comrade who brutally chastised me by intoning ìFriends donít let
friends watch Friends,î I did start watching this show in reruns. I found some
of the episodes to be unbelievably hilarious and others merely bland or mildly
irritating.Ý That is neither here nor there in relation to Scorpioís Scope
except that it has to do with pleasant surprises. To extract a more specific
example Chandler and Monica.ÝÝ Steady friends for years who after years of
abortive, silly, self-indulgent relationships suddenly find something winning in
each other.Ý Then they get all secretive and want to hide their romantic
involvement from the rest of the group.Ý But everyone eventually figures it all
out and the joke is on Chandler and Monica but everyone is having fun anyway at
each otherís expense and so on.Ý Now itís not about old relationships becoming
new or pulling the wool over anyoneís eyes. Itís about Pluto moving direct and
bluntly telling you itís all about having fun, being fun and promoting fun.
Secrets, intrigue, manipulative gambits ‚ they just wonít cut it anymore and
everyone already KNOWS what you would try to disguise anyway.Ý I could use a
tired image like the Phoenix arising anew from the ashes but thatís a bit trite
and trite is definitely OUT now for Scorpios.Ý Pleasant surprise is in, but itís
YOU who need to be the pleasant surprise.
ACUPULCO H.E.A.T/BAYWATCH.
These are two of the most
unintentionally enjoyable shows on television. So utterly terrible, so
absolutely surreal, so incredibly hilarious. I watch mesmerized. I shake
with disbelieving laughter. I call up twisted pals who are in the know
enough to have cable and we watch together over the phone with the same
joyful, delicious and disbelieving fascination.
FRASIER.
Frasier has a lover. Daphne has a lover. Roz has a
lover. Even the Dad has a lover. Everyone has a lover except Niles so he
goes over the deep end over a girl who works at his local cafe -- starts
dressing alternatively (so to speak), gets all wild and crazy and so very
unintellectual about it all. All the rest are concerned. I had to leave
my apartment before the end of this episode so I don't know whether logic
and good sense ultimately prevailed or whether Niles has become "rough and
ready" for good. Does any of the above seem familiar, Capricorns?
Metaphorically or literally? Well if it doesn't already it will,
metaphorically and probably a bit literally as well. Time to walk on the
wild side and not the wild side that is still on familiar territory.
Instinct should govern intellect. If you can't or are unwilling to follow
your heart, than at least follow your loins. Anything so long as you don't
allow your intellect to call all the shots. Bluff if you have to and
change your game in life from chess to strip poker. It'll only be for a
few months that you'll alarm friends and confuse your logic and it probably
won't even hurt at all.
BEVERLY HILLS 90210.
This show is on practically 250 times a day
on and showcases a variety of the series¹ seasons. This means you can see
the very early seasons where they all look so awkward (and, consequently,
so do their hairstyles) as they deal with their various adolescent
³torments.² And at other times you can see the later seasons when they¹ve
all moved on to college and have bigger and brighter torments afflicting
them (and, consequently, their hairstyles). Hell, at any time of day or
night you could watch and see all the regulars and transition regulars in
various states of virginity, drug/alcohol/sex addiction, cosmetic and
surgical enhancement, and pregnancy. It¹s kind of mind-boggling. It¹s
kind of scary. It¹s always quite funny. So, as with Sagittarius all
Aquarians will find a sinister enjoyment in playing along with their life¹s
own personal 90210 melodramas and scenarios. At any moment, day or night,
weekday or weekend, your life could suddenly shift and events, people and
situations can appear and disappear as if by sleight of hand. So go along
with the script good-humoredly. Create a new facade and become a different
transient regular for each new or altered situation that greets or
confronts you. It¹ll boggle the mind of people around you. It¹ll scare
some others and, by damn, they should be scared. But most of all, it¹ll be
fun for you, and you love having fun. Most importantly, this will prepare
you for when you can no longer play along with the flow, but have to start
creating your own spin-off.
SLIDERS.
So many worlds parallel and alternate. So many
overlapping scenarios. Right now Pisceans are jugglers and magicians and
time-travelers. If you follow your nostalgia you'll unearth treasures
about yourself you'd thought lost forever. If you leap into the unknown,
you experience exhilarating changes that will also unearth treasures about
yourself as well as your life. The key here is not missing or ignoring
the windows of opportunity because many opportunities will blossom before
you unexpectedly and remain volatile for mere moments to a few days. Of
course not every opportunity or experience needs to be explored but your
decision-making will have to be as fast-paced. The other key here is not
being afraid of getting lost or losing anything. There is no losing. This
is a time for turning fears into vehicles of anticipatory excitement.
Change your image then change it back again. Change your path and then
circle back to it, you will still have evolved along the way. Evolving --
accelerated leaps forward in your life is the primary focus for you. For
awhile, you are going to have to be a servant to Fate, and you are expected
to do the windows.