var quote1=new Array(); var quote2=new Array(); quote1[0]="You know how bitchy fags can be."; quote2[0]="Sharon Tate as Jennifer North in “Valley of the Dolls”"; quote1[1]="And springtime brought me the frightful laugh of an idiot."; quote2[1]="Arthur Rimbaud: A Season In Hell"; quote1[2]="I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!"; quote2[2]="Percy Shelley"; quote1[3]="I am the Earth Mother and you are all flops."; quote2[3]="E. Taylor as Martha in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”"; quote1[4]="That dress is great. I bet it looks even better lying on the floor."; quote2[4]="Czar Laszlo the Dispossessed"; quote1[5]="Yes, she is a peacock in everything but beauty."; quote2[5]="Oscar Wilde: Picture of Dorian Gray."; quote1[6]="Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!"; quote2[6]="Chuck Heston in “Planet of the Apes”"; quote1[7]="Don’t you ever touch the sacrificial fluids … okey dokey?"; quote2[7]="Thou Shalt Not Kill … Except"; quote1[8]="I’m pissed off because I feel like it’s not safe to wear my trenchcoat for a few months now. And I can’t wear my beret because of Monica. Would the fucking media stop making my wardrobe obsolete?"; quote2[8]="Name Withheld upon Request"; quote1[9]="You disappointed me too, Daddy!"; quote2[9]="Jennifer Grey in “Dirty Dancing”"; quote1[10]="Mount me if you must, but not a kiss!"; quote2[10]="Mink Stole in “Desperate Living”"; quote1[11]="I suppose it’s okay to imagine your dream castle.
The problems start when you try to move into it."; quote2[11]="Elkie Sommers in “The Oscar”"; quote1[12]="The pulverizing crucible of her fulfillment!"; quote2[12]="Russ Meyer"; quote1[13]="She’s a manipulative misery machine."; quote2[13]="Billy on Melrose Place referring to Brooke."; quote1[14]="I would be so pleased if you was a fag and had a nice beautician boyfriend."; quote2[14]="Edith Massey in “Female Trouble”"; quote1[15]="One does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat."; quote2[15]="Choderlos de Laclos: Dangerous Liaisons"; quote1[16]="She was the most pulchritudinously fuckable person he had ever laid eyes upon."; quote2[16]="Anne Rice writing tawdry ‘erotica’"; quote1[17]="They had to borrow a new knight from another board. But it was still chess."; quote2[17]="Tanith Lee: Personal Darkness"; quote1[18]="You have to believe we are magic."; quote2[18]="Olivia Newton-John"; quote1[19]="My God. This room stinks of stupid women thinking about Tony."; quote2[19]="Kids in the Hall"; quote1[20]="She clutched a glittering, gold mesh purse."; quote2[20]="Michael Talbot: The Delicate Dependency"; quote1[21]="What have they done to its eyes?!"; quote2[21]="Mia Farrow in “Rosemary’s Baby”"; quote1[22]="This isn’t a dream, this is really happening!"; quote2[22]=quote2[21]; quote1[23]="It has an undertaste -- a chalky undertaste."; quote2[23]=quote2[21]; quote1[24]="I’m gonna rock you alllll night long."; quote2[24]="AC/DC"; quote1[25]="The peeeeple! The peeeeople! The peeeeople!"; quote2[25]="Sally Field as “Sybil”"; quote1[26]="What is this, a freak out?!"; quote2[26]="Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka"; quote1[27]="There’s a fish in the per-co-la-tor!"; quote2[27]="Twin Peaks"; quote1[28]="Mother died today, or perhaps it was yesterday; I don’t know."; quote2[28]="Albert Camus: L’Étranger"; quote1[29]="I’ll kill that queen André!"; quote2[29]="Candy Darling in Andy Warhol's “Flesh”"; quote1[30]="Lulu, your hair looks so nice today.”
“I know!"; quote2[30]="Polyester"; quote1[31]="If it doesn’t already look phallic, turn it sideways."; quote2[31]="Comtesse de Nuit, “Sharon, Sharon, How Red Is Thy Gash?”"; quote1[32]="Humans — feh!"; quote2[32]="Mordantia Bat"; quote1[33]="If you put on a white coat, then take it off and put on a black coat,
then you are neither the white or the black coat — you have simply changed coats."; quote2[33]="Fuzzbox"; quote1[34]="I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe."; quote2[34]="The Stepford Wives"; quote1[35]="May I speak horticulturally for a moment?"; quote2[35]="le Marquis Déjà Dû"; quote1[36]="You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think."; quote2[36]="Dorothy Parker, using ‘horticulture’ in a sentence"; quote1[37]="My hair hurts!"; quote2[37]="Kallistí"; quote1[38]="You wouldn’t know good manners if they kicked you in the shin, spat in your face and stole your plastic."; quote2[38]=quote2[35]; quote1[39]="Beelzebub has a devil set aside for me — for meee — for meeeeee…"; quote2[39]="Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody"; quote1[40]="Hey now, hey n-now-now…"; quote2[40]="Sisters of Mercy"; quote1[41]="He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike."; quote2[41]="William Shakespeare"; quote1[42]="Fun is for shallow people."; quote2[42]="Nyquolytt"; quote1[43]="I can see your dirty pillows."; quote2[43]="Piper Laurie in “Carrie”"; quote1[44]="Woe! Woe!, Yea!, Woe!"; quote2[44]="Anton LaVey: The Satanic Bible"; quote1[45]="Good coffee should smell like two week old cat piss."; quote2[45]=quote2[37]; quote1[46]="Felt a joy today; soon clouded."; quote2[46]="Sylvia Plath"; quote1[47]="I like this part."; quote2[47]="Janet Jackson"; quote1[48]="You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style!"; quote2[48]="Vladimir Nabokov: “Lolita”"; quote1[49]="All art is quite useless."; quote2[49]="Oscar Wilde"; quote1[50]="What is love but an alergic reaction to the proper lighting?"; quote2[50]="Scott ‘Buddy’ Thompson"; quote1[51]="Your apple pie don’t taste too nice."; quote2[51]="Rocky Horror Picture Show"; quote1[52]="They’re all gonna laugh at you! They’re all gonna laugh at you!"; quote2[52]=quote2[43]; quote1[53]="There’s a fine line between stupid and … and … clever"; quote2[53]="This Is Spinal Tap"; quote1[54]="Men. Pigs. — Not you, handsome."; quote2[54]="Joan Crawford in “Rain”"; quote1[55]="Sid!! What about the farewell drugs!? SID!!!"; quote2[55]="Chloe Webb in “Sid & Nancy”"; quote1[56]="Leave me alone, milkman scum!"; quote2[56]="Julie Brown in “Shakes the Clown”"; quote1[57]="The word linkage reminds me of sausage! Hate the links! Love the patties!"; quote2[57]="Gordon Cole, Twin Peaks"; quote1[58]="Everybody’s into weirdness right now."; quote2[58]="Repo Man"; quote1[59]="Grow up, Heather. Bulemia is so ‘87."; quote2[59]="Heathers"; quote1[60]="My teen angst bullshit has a body count."; quote2[60]=quote2[59]; quote1[61]="Hell is other people"; quote2[61]="Jean-Paul Sartre: No Exit"; quote1[62]="My sweet Satan…"; quote2[62]="“Stairway to Heaven” played backwards"; quote1[63]="Time doth flit; oh shit."; quote2[63]="Dorothy Parker"; quote1[64]="This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.
It should be thrown with great force."; quote2[64]=quote2[63]; quote1[65]="Don’t touch it! It’s pure EEEVIL!!"; quote2[65]="Time Bandits"; quote1[66]="Oh my God! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!"; quote2[66]="Divine in “Pink Flamingoes”"; quote1[67]="I had the pear dream again. We are lost."; quote2[67]="Kids in the Hall"; quote1[68]="Lesbians get so much done in a day."; quote2[68]=quote2[67]; quote1[69]="Without physics, there would be no engineering”
“Without lamps, there would be no light."; quote2[69]="Breakfast Club"; quote1[70]="The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"; quote2[70]="The Exorcist"; quote1[71]="I am the policeman who punches heads."; quote2[71]="Jhonen Vasquez: Happy Noodle Boy"; quote1[72]="They cut the cord when you were born. Be free, my little void."; quote2[72]="Absolutely Fabulous"; quote1[73]="Now repeat after me: Nothing, nothing, nothing. So it will be."; quote2[73]="Bibi Andersen in Bergman’s “Persona”"; quote1[74]="Oh, the humanity!"; quote2[74]=quote2[59]; quote1[75]="Feasting on our cousins from the sea, are we?"; quote2[75]=quote2[67]; quote1[76]="She wore a halter top with very little to halt."; quote2[76]=quote2[48]; quote1[77]="He’s not the Messiah! He’s a very naughty boy!"; quote2[77]="Life of Brian"; quote1[78]="Tell your mother I hate her! Tell your mother I hate you!!!"; quote2[78]=quote2[10]; quote1[79]="I don’t want no white man lookin’ at my Tampax!"; quote2[79]="Jean Hill in “Desperate Living”"; quote1[80]="At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date."; quote2[80]="Edith Massey in “Polyester”"; quote1[81]="There are two kinds of people —
those who think there are two kinds of people, and…"; quote2[81]=quote2[35]; quote1[82]="I’m a sex shooter shootin’ love in your direction."; quote2[82]="Apollonia 6"; quote1[83]="Money, money, money, must be funny, in the rich man’s world."; quote2[83]="Abba"; quote1[84]="A clown can get away with murder"; quote2[84]="John Wayne Gacy"; quote1[85]="Men are egotistical, arrogant, smug, and conceited!"; quote2[85]="Marcia Brady"; quote1[86]="I don’t really consider myself Goth (even though I am.)"; quote2[86]="Verite, some goth chick"; quote1[87]="It puts the lotion on its skin; it does this whenever it’s told."; quote2[87]="Silence of the Lambs"; quote1[88]="But sir, the peasants are dying!”
“Not only are they dying, but they’re boring."; quote2[88]="Ridicule"; quote1[89]="Everyone I know has a big ‘but’."; quote2[89]="Pee-Wee Herman"; quote1[90]="What a damnable nuisance that clock is."; quote2[90]=quote2[19]; quote1[91]="The virginal brides file past his tomb."; quote2[91]="Bauhaus"; quote1[92]="My passion had a hard time surviving your virtue."; quote2[92]="Les Liaisons Dangereuses"; quote1[93]="Danny’s not here, Mrs. Torrence."; quote2[93]="The Shining"; quote1[94]="A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming."; quote2[94]="Barbarella"; quote1[95]="Couldn’t we do it your way? I don’t want to change your customs."; quote2[95]=quote2[94]; quote1[96]="I want a See-Oh-Oh-El. Are-Eye-Dee-Ee-Are…"; quote2[96]="Michele Pfeiffer in “Grease 2”"; quote1[97]="This is all so silly. It’s just my head. This is all so silly. It’s just my head."; quote2[97]=quote2[34]; quote1[98]="As they pull you out of the oxygen tent, you ask for the latest party."; quote2[98]="David Bowie, “Diamond Dogs”"; quote1[99]="Shut up, little man!"; quote2[99]="‘Pete & Ray’"; quote1[100]="I dance like the wiiiiiinnnnnddddd…"; quote2[100]="Sandy Dennis in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf”"; quote1[101]="I’d like to know what this was before it was leftovers.”
“Why, leftovers to be!"; quote2[101]="‘Parents’"; quote1[102]="Suffrir c’est chouette."; quote2[102]="Gustave Flaubert"; quote1[103]="El dolor, me encanta."; quote2[103]="Frida Kahlo"; quote1[104]="Suffering can temper the soul."; quote2[104]="Daniel Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence”"; quote1[105]="I’ve abandoned the church of Rome in favour of Utopia!"; quote2[105]="Alive: Tale of the Andes Survivors"; quote1[106]="Screw that!"; quote2[106]="Emilio Estevez in any movie he’s been in."; quote1[107]="Suddenly, I have a dreadful urge to be merry."; quote2[107]="Morticia Addams"; quote1[108]="Batter down my virgin doors!!!"; quote2[108]="the heroine in Anne Rice's “The Mummy,” speaking to Ramses the reanimated “Hunk.”"; quote1[109]="Well I might stretch it till Wednesday."; quote2[109]="David Bowie, “Love You Till Tuesday”"; quote1[110]="I just can’t get my mind operating!"; quote2[110]=quote2[34]; quote1[111]="You never fuck me and I always have to drive."; quote2[111]="Kelly Lynch in “Drugstore Cowboy”"; quote1[112]="Everyone hates a mime."; quote2[112]=quote2[35]; quote1[113]="My butt hurts."; quote2[113]="Trent Reznor"; quote1[114]="I’m a juice-dog — I’m a skee-ball, and you won’t let me quiverrrrr…"; quote2[114]="80’s sequel to “Dr. Caligari”"; quote1[115]="Her face just kinda floated on the soup like a lotus blossom."; quote2[115]=quote2[114]; quote1[116]="There’s much to be learned from a despairing scream."; quote2[116]=quote2[114]; quote1[117]="You’re maudlin and full of self pity; you’re magnificent."; quote2[117]=quote2[114]; quote1[118]="Describe your life in 3 words or less.”
“Un. Ending. Torment."; quote2[118]=quote2[114]; quote1[119]="I am sorry, Master!"; quote2[119]="Barbara Eden as Jeannie"; quote1[120]="Oh please, that man is a walking argument for Thorazine."; quote2[120]=quote2[114]; quote1[121]="Aunt Bea still gives me randy-pants."; quote2[121]=quote2[114]; quote1[122]="I’m Pygar, last of the Arnithanthropes!"; quote2[122]=quote2[94]; quote1[123]="When a woman strikes at the heart of another woman, she rarely misses, and the wound is invariably fatal."; quote2[123]=quote2[15]; quote1[124]="Bela Lugosi was still dead."; quote2[124]="Poppy Z. Brite"; quote1[125]="I love you! — I love you all!"; quote2[125]="Catherine Deneuve being accosted by all her dead lovers in “The Hunger”"; quote1[126]="Big, big daddy of the rhythm, I send this sloppy kiss to you … HA!"; quote2[126]="Dead or Alive"; quote1[127]="I haven’t got time for the pain."; quote2[127]="Carly Simon"; quote1[128]="Suffering is the great decadence."; quote2[128]="Colette"; quote1[129]="Hang on kids, here we gooooooooo!"; quote2[129]="Jiminy Cricket"; quote1[130]="One hundred years ago a man must have sat where I sit now, had a fine meal, and died.
This makes me inexpressibly happy."; quote2[130]="Andrei Codrescu"; quote1[131]="Hi! No, I really mean that sincerely, hi!"; quote2[131]="Scream 2"; quote1[132]="Someone open a window. I find the chill reassuring."; quote2[132]="Glenn Close in “Reversal of Fortune”"; quote1[133]="Sick people have such deep, sincere attachments."; quote2[133]="Blanche DuBois: “Streetcar Named Desire”"; quote1[134]="You’re nothing you’re nothing you’re just a fly!"; quote2[134]="Liquid Sky"; quote1[135]="How perfectly godamned delightful it all is to be sure."; quote2[135]="The Late Charles Crumb"; quote1[136]="One should do more than merely exhibit a flair for the obvious."; quote2[136]="Comtesse Melusine de Nuit"; quote1[137]="I am inconsolable!"; quote2[137]="Madame de Tourvel in most of her letters from “Les Liaisons Dangereuses”"; quote1[138]="I’m hurting!"; quote2[138]="Ren Hoack in “Ren & Stimpy: Space Madness”"; quote1[139]="Depression is just anger without enthusiasm."; quote2[139]="—anon."; quote1[140]="You don’t know what pain is!"; quote2[140]=quote2[87]; quote1[141]="You’ve been without any sort of companionship for nearly 30 years. I’d hazard to guess you’d find a lampost beguiling."; quote2[141]="“The Smell of Men” by Mordantia Bat"; quote1[142]="I just wanted to get in a little writing tonight. I’m really not up for this."; quote2[142]="“Chianti on the Cadaver” by Mordantia Bat"; quote1[143]="Only the truly insane can meet their Destiny on equal footing."; quote2[143]="“The Sulking Outcast” by Melusine de Nuit"; quote1[144]="As long you’re in the sandbox of normalcy, you can build any sandcastle you want."; quote2[144]="Czar Laszlo, in a dispossessed tone. "; quote1[145]="The world sucks because otherwise it would be so repulsive that it would overpower gravity, and then we’d all be thrown into space."; quote2[145]="Czar Laszlo the Dispossessed"; quote1[146]="I’d rather a gentleman in sheep’s clothing than a wolf in boy’s attire."; quote2[146]="Anna Noelle Rockwell"; quote1[147]="Nookie keeps, unlike other meats."; quote2[147]=quote2[35]; quote1[148]="It would have been both ironic and glamourous to be finished off by a four foot glitter ball."; quote2[148]="Boy George"; quote1[149]="What is hip? It's a bone in the pelvis region."; quote2[149]="Mordantia Bat"; quote1[150]="There is joy for the giver as well as the receiver in all abrupt tempo changes."; quote2[150]=quote2[35]; quote1[151]="Hell yawns before me and I yawn back."; quote2[151]=quote2[35]; quote1[152]="I do so love my refrigerator and the people who contribute to it."; quote2[152]=quote2[32]; quote1[153]="Cleverness is not wisdom.” — Euripides
“That’s not very clever."; quote2[153]=quote2[35]; quote1[154]="Note the engorged larval matriarchal mother."; quote2[154]="Kallistí, speaking of the film “Angels & Insects”"; quote1[155]="If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows."; quote2[155]="Henry Ward Beecher"; quote1[156]="You know how interesting the purchase of a sponge-cake is to me."; quote2[156]="Jane Austen’s Letters, 1808"; quote1[157]="The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood."; quote2[157]="John Cocteau"; quote1[158]="The best artist high is to play with your own entrails."; quote2[158]=quote2[32]; quote1[159]="Uh-oh, time to go to the coroner."; quote2[159]=quote2[32]; quote1[160]="If only a person’s misery could be measured in the distance between the fang marks in the post mortem."; quote2[160]=quote2[35]; quote1[161]="How dare she think she’s more wretched than the rest of us? I will not have my fucked-up-ness invalidated."; quote2[161]=quote2[32]; quote1[162]="I think of her as reversed frat boy type. Doomed to live her own bumper sticker forever."; quote2[162]=quote2[32]; quote1[163]="That’s why becoming an Oracle will be good for me. I can still help people, but I’ll get to demand a sacrifice upfront."; quote2[163]=quote2[32]; quote1[164]="Finesse it!"; quote2[164]="Kallistí"; quote1[165]="Beige is not on the color spectrum."; quote2[165]="Melusine de Nuit"; quote1[166]="If it’s too cold to wear sandals without socks, perhaps another choice of footwear is in order."; quote2[166]=quote2[165]; quote1[167]="Parking your SUV on the sidewalk is not the answer."; quote2[167]=quote2[165]; quote1[168]="Rockabilly boys and in-bred throwbacks are not the same thing."; quote2[168]=quote2[165]; quote1[169]="Denim dresses are not sexy."; quote2[169]=quote2[165]; quote1[170]="Animated shows and movies are still cartoons — just longer."; quote2[170]=quote2[165]; quote1[171]="Well hip-hip-hooray for your cheap climax!"; quote2[171]="Divine, “Female Trouble”"; quote1[172]="I do so enjoy a good swivel."; quote2[172]=quote2[35]; quote1[173]="People on the whole are not intellectual creatures. You’re thinking of dolphins."; quote2[173]=quote2[35]; quote1[174]="Talking like Yoda is not a thing to be doing."; quote2[174]="Pschtÿckque"; function randquot() { var QuoteNum=((Math.round(Math.random( )*quote1.length))); document.write("

“"+quote1[QuoteNum]+"”
— "+quote2[QuoteNum]+"

"); };