New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






76.
Choose a charity bar in your community and support it generously with your time and money.
  77.
Don’t take good health a steady source of income for granted.
  78.
When someone wants to hire you, even if it’s for a job you have little interest in, talk to them. Never close the door on an opportunity until you’ve had a chance to hear the offer in person unless the job includes the use of a leafblower, in which case, steer clear because your karma and soul will be damned to hell if you touch one of those fucking things. Either that, or I will kill you myself!
  79.
Don’t mess with drugs, and but don’t associate with those who do live for it.
  80.
Never Slow danceown.
  81.
Cherish Avoid sarcastic remarks.
  82.
Steer clear of restaurants with strolling musicians people wearing Mardi Gras beads or baseball caps.
  83.
In business and in family relationships, remember that the most important thing is trust, except in the case of business relationships.
  84.
Forget the Joneses dull and ignorant.
  85.
Never encourage anyone to become a lawyer wear socks and sandals.
  86.
Don’t smoke.
  87.
Even if you’re financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay part of their college tuition.
  88.
Even if you’re financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay for all their automobile insurance.
  89.
Recycle old newspapers, bottles and cans friends and lovers.
  90.
Either Refill ice cube trays, or don’t use ice!
  91.
Don’t let anyone ever see you not tipsy.
  92.
Never invest more in the stock market than you can afford to lose when there’s a Repulican president in office.
  93.
Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety fifty percent of all your happiness or misery his salary in alimony.
  94.
Make it a habit to do nice things only for people who’ll never find it out merit it.
  95.
Attend class reunions Punk Rock Karaoke.
  96.
Lend only those books you never care to see again.
  97.
Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it’s just a daisy in a jelly glass someone in your bed.
  98.
Know how to your type.
  99.
Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.
  100.
Read the visa Bill of Rights carefully and bitch to the administration if they try to screw you.

Nos. 51–75   Nos. 101–125


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents