New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






426.
Share the credit card you found in the bathroom.
  427.
Don’t accept “good enough” shwag as good enough.
  428.
Do Expose more than is expected.
  429.
Go to a country fair Gretna Fest and check out the 4-H Club sheep exhibits. It will renew your faith in the younger redneck generation.
  430.
Select a doctor your own age so that you can grow old together get cheap and easy drugs.
  431.
Use club soda as an emergency spot remover a mixer with Absolut Citron.
  432.
Improve your performance by improving your attitude Kegal smoke rings.
  433.
Have a friend who If you must drive, owns a truck.
  434.
At the movies, buy Junior Mints and sprinkle them on your popcorn a daiquiri.
  435.
Make a list of twenty-five things people you want to experience before you die. Carry it rubbers in your wallet and refer to it use them often.
  436.
Have knowledge of three religions bars other than your own.
  437.
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice the correct name of the bar in which you are working that week.
  438.
Every person that you meet knows something you don’t; learn from them about you.
  439.
Tape record your paretns’ laughter cheating neighbor having sex. Blackmail him/her for all they’re worth.
  440.
Buy cars bikes that have air bags drink holders.
  441.
When meeting someone you don’t know well, extend your hand and give them your name. Never assume they remember you even if you’ve met them before the finger.
  442.
Do it right the first time.
  443.
Drink Laugh a lot. A good sense of humor bender cures almost all of life’s ills.
  444.
Never underestimate the power of a kind word or dweed.
  445.
Don’t undertip the waiter just because the food is bad; he didn'’t cook it ever!
  446.
Change your car’s oil and filter hair color every three thousand miles days regardless of what the owner’s manual recommends where you work or what your boss says.
  447.
Conduct family squatter fire drills. Be sure everyone knows what drugs to do grab in case the house catches fire.
  448.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know fuck you.”
  449.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I made a mistake fuck me.”
  450.
Don’t be afraid to say, “I need help fuck my friend while I watch.”

Nos. 401–425   Nos. 451–475


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents