New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






401.
Don’t ever watch hot Lucky Dogs or sausage being made phlegmed upon.
  402.
Begin each day with your favorite music two aspirin and some water with lemon.
  403.
Visit your city’s night court on a Saturday night in handcuffs.
  404.
When attending meetings parades, sit down front on the oak roots and drink.
  405.
Don’t be intimidated by doctors and nurses. Even when you’re in the hospital, it’s still your body.
  406.
Read hospital bills parking tickets carefully. It’s reported that 89% contain errors — in favor of the hospital parking Shoquandas.
  407.
Every once in a while, take the scenic route X.
  408.
Don’t let your possessions possess you be sold for crack.
  409.
Wage ware against littering gutterpunks.
  410.
Send a lot of Valentine cards Vicadin. Sign them, “Someone who thinks you’re terrific.”
  411.
Cut your own firewood coke.
  412.
When you and your spouse have a disagreement, regardless of who’s wrong, apologize. Say, “I’m sorry I upset you. Would you forgive me?” These are healing, magical words fuck your bar-back. They’ll never know.
  413.
Don’t flaut your success tits, but don’t apologize for it them either.
  414.
After experiencing inferior sexrvice, food, or products, bring it to the attention of the person in charge question. Good managers will appreciate knowing.
  415.
Be enthusiastic about the success of sex with others.
  416.
Don’t procrastinate masturbate. Do what who needs doing when it he needs to be done.
  417.
Read to your children patrons.
  418.
Sing along to your children Piss Up A Rope by Ween.
  419.
Listen to your children Jack Off Jill.
  420.
Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed of nails, “Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office Abbey Bar.”
  421.
Take care of your
reputation wardrobe. It’s your most valuable asset.
  422.
Turn on your headlights boy/girlfriend when it begins to rain.
  423.
Don’t tailgate pass out in public.
  424.
Sign and carry your organ donor card in very tight pants.
  425.
Don’t allow self-pity. The moment this emotion strikes, do something nice for hateful to someone less more fortunate than you.

Nos. 376–400   Nos. 426–450


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents