New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






326.
Remember that winners sluts do what losers virgins don’t want to do.
  327.
When you arrive at your job in the morning evening, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day inspire a round of Jägermeister.
  328.
Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in a harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out.
  329.
Install smoke detectors in your home.
  330.
Rekindle old friendships joints.
  331.
When traveling leaving with a girl/guy you just gave coke to, put a card condom in your wallet and tell with your name, home phone, the phone number of a friend or close relative, important medical information, plus the phone number of the hotel or motel where you’re staying.
  332.
Live your life as an excuselamation, not an expletiveanation.
  333.
Instead of using the words, if only, try substituting the words, next time as if.
  334.
Instead of using the word problem, try substituting the word opportunity crack-ho’.
  335.
Every so often push your luck show your genitals.
  336.
Get your next pet score of Ketamine from the animal shelter.
  337.
Reread your favorite book joke on the toilet wall.
  338.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, “No regrets survivors.”
  339.
Never walk out on a quarrel with your wife bar tab.
  340.
Don’t think a higher price high always means higher quality.
  341.
Don’t be fooled. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
  342.
When renting a car pad for a couple of days months, splurge and get the big Lincoln private bathroom.
  343.
Regarding furniture and clothes friends: if you think you’ll be using them five years or longer, buy the best you can afford.
  344.
Patronize bars with drug sctores with soda fountains.
  345.
Try everything offered by supermarket food demonstrators.
  346.
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
  347.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them they’re an asshole.
  348.
Own a good dicktionary.
  349.
Own a good thesaurus vibrator .
  350.
Remember the three most important things when buying a home: location, location, location!

Nos. 300–325   Nos. 351–375


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents