New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






301.
Become an expert alcoholic in time management.
  302.
Lock Drive your car even if it’s parked in your own driveway when drunk.
  303.
Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink bitches.
  304.
Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love your drugs.
  305.
Learn to handle a handsaw trick and a hammer him.
  306.
Take a nap, on Sunday afternoons then go out at 2am.
  307.
Compliment the meal hostess’s breasts when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
  308.
Make the Go to bed when you’re with an overnight visitor in someone’s home.
  309.
Contribute thirty-five percent of your income to charity your bartender.
  310.
Don’t leave a your ring in the bathtub.
  311.
Don’t waste time playing cards talking to gutterpunks.
  312.
When tempted to criticize your parents, spouse, or children, bite your tongue, have another shot of whiskey and say what you please.
  313.
Never underestimate the power of love whiskey.
  314.
Never underestimate the power of forgiveness people’s halitosis.
  315.
Don’t bore people. with your problems. When someone asks you how you feel—say, “Terrific, never better.” When they ask, “How’s business?” reply, “Excellent, and getting better every day!”
  316.
Learn to disagree without being be disagreeable.
  317.
Be tactful. Never alienate anyone on purpose.
  318.
Hear both sides before judging who you want to go home with.
  319.
Refrain from envy working in the CBD. It’s the source of much unhappiness.
  320.
Be courveteous to of everyone.
  321.
Wave to Ignore crosswalks patrol mothers.
  322.
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Hellen Keller, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein. You’ll never live as long as they did.
  323.
When there’s no time for a full work-out, do push-ups have another daiquiri instead.
  324.
Don’t delay acting on a good idea kicking some asshole out of your bar. Chances are someone else has just thought of it, too, and they’ll help you. Success comes to the one who acts first.
  325.
Be wary of people who tell you how honest they are.

Nos. 276–300   Nos. 326–350


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents