New Orleans’ Little Instruction Book




Index
Nos. 1–25 Nos. 26–50 Nos. 51–75 Nos. 76–100 Nos. 101–125
Nos. 126–150 Nos. 151–175 Nos. 176–200 Nos. 201–225 Nos. 226–250
Nos. 251–275 Nos. 276–300 Nos. 301–325 Nos. 326–350 Nos. 351–375
Nos. 376–400 Nos. 401–425 Nos. 426–450 Nos. 451–475 Nos. 476–511






26.
In a fight, hit first and recruit large men to hit hard for you.
  27.
Return all things you borrow, and don’t lend your own shit out.
  28.
Teach Have some kind of class.
  29.
Be a student wise-ass in some kind of class.
  30.
Never buy a house without a fireplace a spouse.
  31.
Avoid Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
  32.
Once in your life own a convertible dye your hair purple.
  33.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated them.
  34.
Learn to identify play the music of Chopin, Mozart and Beethoven.
  35.
Never sleep Plant a tree on your birthday.
  36.
Ejaculate Donate two pints of sperm blood every year.
  37.
Make new friends but cherish the old ones and try to remember their names the next morning.
  38.
Keep Create secrets.
  39.
Take lots of dirty snapshots.
  40.
Never refuse homemade brownies, unless there be walnuts in ’em.
  41.
Don’t postpone j/oy.
  42.
Write “thank you” notes promptly after climaxing.
  43.
Never give up on anybody except junkies. Miracles rarely happen every day.
  44.
Show respect my authoritahhhh! for teachers.
  45.
Show respect for your giblets to police officers and firefighters.
  46.
Show respect for Fear military personnel.
  47.
Don’t waste time learning the “tricks of the trade.” Instead, learn the trade. Be a “jack-off of all trades.”
  48.
Keep a tight rein on your temper trick.
  49.
Buy vegetables from truck farmers who advertise with hand-lettered signs, unless the signs are misspelled.
  50.
Don’t use Put the cap back on the toothpaste as a lubricant.

Nos. 1–25   Nos. 51–75


“Suffering is Hip” Table of Malcontents