"We are all of us in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde
Some enervating quotes
from the French Revolution, circa the 1790's. Remember,
these were the "hippies" of the 18th Century that made it
to the big top.
"Without terror, virtue is impotent."
- Robespierre
"In order to ensure public tranquillity,
two hundred thousand heads must be cut off." - Marat
"The republic consists in the extermination
of everything that opposes it." - Saint-Just
"Peace will set us back ...We can
be regenerated through blood alone." - Madame Roland
"In order to ensure public tranquillity,
two hundred thousand heads must be cut off." - Marat
"The butchery has been good." - Committee
Rep reporting on the subjugation of the Provinces
"Peace will set us back ... We can
be regenerated through blood alone." - Madame Roland
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- Channel Cleopatra in the voting booth. Loudly.
- Remember that you do not have to vote on everything
on the ballot just because the questions are there. If
you only have a particular opinion on four issues and
know those to be very, very important to you, just vote
on the questions you want and leave the other ones on
the ballot blank. You DO NOT HAVE to fill out the whole
thing. Certain states suspiciously put tons of confusing
complicated measures about all sorts of things on the
ballot almost in hopes of simply overwhelming a great
many from not even attempting to vote on the four things
that really matter to everyone. And for ALL our sakes,
don't guess! It's not a test. It's a ballot. Know what
you don't want.
- If you feel guilty about leaving part of the ballot
blank or if people you know will make you feel guilty
for leaving part of the ballot blank and yet you haven't
the inclination to make yourself properly informed on
everything, there's an alternative to leaving gaping blank
parts -- find a newspaper or an organization that offers
opinions you usually find amenable and use their recommendations
as a guide. Make sure to recheck your guide source, though,
every now and then to make sure they didn't up and change
their opinion platform on you when you weren't looking
and are advocating some entirely new set of opinions.
- A little conspiracy theory reading can perk
you up. Too much of it will rot your teeth, though. Remember
to floss before voting.
- Remember this: trickle down theory didn't work for
Marie Antoinette either.
- Hair should always be an irrelevant issue for politicians.
We should just outlaw it as a topic for media debate and
shave all politicians right after they announce their
intention to run.
- The money spent on wasting trees to send us all that
stupid campaign literature and cluttering up television
with overproduced nothingness ads is obscene. THEN they
have the BALLS to complain no one is listening to them
anymore. Hmmmmm. Could it be because you stopped saying
anything real decades ago? Idiots. We're not naive enough
to think this will change anytime soon, but isn't it time
to let them know that we're NOT all apathetic (I suspect
most of us aren't, really). We just really do know when
the Emperor is having his non-existent wardrobe designed
by a marketing consultant and there's no reason we HAVE
to pay attention to THAT. Psst. Politicians, your accessories
don't match your shoes anymore.
- Vote early by absentee ballot and let your politicians
know how many pieces from their FLURRY of last minute
damn literature and advertisements could not possibly
have affected you. Ask them not to waste that money on
you in the future and donate the portion they had allotted
to getting your interest instead to [generic worthy cause].
- If you get a reply from a politician to whom you wrote,
always politely write back and point out that "impact"
is not properly used as a verb unless in reference to
asteroids or other really big rocks. Trust me. They will
almost always misuse "impact" in all replies.
- Those who live by bumper stickers should be run over.
Do not make this into a bumper sticker. Refrigerator magnet,
maybe.
- Write to your politicians and tell them how you LONG
for the good old days. Then send them video excerpts from
"I,
Claudius" of how problems in the Senate were handled
then. Failing that, a perky picture of a French
Revolution guillotine might do the trick. Oh. Wait.
Scrap that. They might get cranky and mistake this sort
of waxing for the good old days as some sort of implied
threat. Then they might send you pictures of gulags or
something. It's probably better not to invite such an
impasse.
- Rant. Don't expect anyone else to listen cuz ranting
can get awfully boring. But rant anyway on paper to yourself
and distill your point to its true essence. Alternately,
take abstract concepts -- like liberty, freedom, truth,
justice -- and expand them on paper into practical applications.
Do this enough so that you're really good at it, and ...
we'll gratefully vote for you.
- When you feel stirred enough about an issue, try writing
letters to your government representatives in a florid
"Dangerous
Liaisons" style.
{{we must offer a disclaimer that this is partly a self-interested
suggestion: if enough people do this and make it seem
less extraordinary, we are hoping one of your humble editors
might get taken off "Nuts To Watch Out For" list where
she occasionally almost suspects her name must have been
added after she -- some years ago -- wrote a few such-stylistic
letters to certain statespersonages imploring certain
sways of opinions. Must a well-wielded adverb really always
be perceived as threatening?))
(Really. We're joking about this whole paranoid scenario,
ya know. At least, we think we are.)
- Read history. Read it some more. Notice the similarity
of societal crap that crops up in cycles and what happens
afterwards. Notice how THINGS can go very very wrong in
a relatively short amount of time. Are you really in the
mood to become fodder for the future shows on the History
Channel circa 2061?
- Nihilism can be empowering if you squint at it hard
enough.
- Convicted felons cannot vote. Curious, then, how there
are quite a few truly nebulous debatable things that keep
getting classified as felonies, isn't it? You can lose
an entire segment of society that way. Whoops!
Too late. Already did.
- Cynicism is born out of failed idealism.
- 60s bumper sticker: "Question Authority." The questioners
have become the authority. So, to update it: "Suspect
Spin."
- The baby boomers seem to only have recently become
aware of their own mortality and their political reaction
these days appears to be to try to outlaw everything in
the strange hope, we surmise, of eluding it. Didn't anyone
EVER make them read Orwell, for god's sake????
- Benjamin Franklin, one of the few non-presidents to
be featured on U.S. paper money, is on the hundred dollar
bill cuz he was kewl. Yes. We spelled it kewl. We're not
apologizing. Those of you who don't like that spelling
already knew he was kewl.
- Speaking of Benjamin and his droogies, it was bloody
amazing of them to entertain the notion that perhaps people
deserve the RIGHT to pursue happiness. We suspect, though,
that this may have not really been THAT noble of a concept.
After all, we only get the right to PURSUE happiness --
not attain it. And we know those guys were well-read enough
to know well about the myth of Tantalus and, thus, that
whole part was probably just a way to jerk our collective
chain. Oh, those guys. How utterly morbid. Well
done.
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